Sweet Home Alabama

As Reese Witherspoon's character says in Sweet Home Alabama, "people need a passport to come down here." Greetings from a different blonde "hoity-toity yankee bitch" stuck in 'Bama.

All Saturday, Ichabod and I drove the truck from Virginia to Alabama. (correction: Ichabod drove the truck. I read InTouch Weekly and drank copious amounts of diet soda.) We stopped for lunch at a Cracker Barrel in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, home of Dollywood! While we were unfortunately unable to visit Dollywood, I like to think that eating at the Pigeon Forge Cracker Barrel actually brought me closer to Dolly, because I bet Dolly loves her some Cracker Barrel.

And guess what was on USA when we finally got our hotel in Huntsville, AL: SWEET HOME ALABAMA!!! Yes, it's true. I was a little too excited. I was pretty sure it was a sign that both a hot scruffy southern guy in plaid and a hot New York guy in a suit were going to fall in love with me over the weekend. So I put on extra makeup before we headed to the Chili's. But that wasn't all I put on - the plan had been for bowling, and it was time to bust out the bowling outfit. Last weekend, Ichabod, Frog and I formed a bowling league: Downtown Ichabod and the Sassy Van Tassies (frog plays my father, Balthus Van Tassel, in Sleepy Hollow, and I am obvi Katrina Van Tassel, hence the Sassy Van Tassies). Not only did we christen ourselves thus, we bought bowling shirts at a thrift store next to the laundromat. Well, the boys bought black/blue and black/red bowling shirts, and I bought an insane red and blue patriotic bowling suit of FURY. I don't know what cracked out 8 year old boy bought this, but god bless his mother for donating it to that thrift store. (Yes, I buy clothes from the boys' 8-10 section. Shut up.)

Dinner at Chili's with the whole gang was delicious, and mostly uneventful, save for the fact that Other Actress kept poking me to go hit on the blue-eyed/ken-doll-haired bartender who happened to be from Connecticut, and for the fact that I may or may not have consumed 9 diet cokes. Constant free refills are a dangerous things, my friends. I was sort of cracked out by the time we left for the bowling alley. Seriously, 9 diet cokes are better than booze. Or I imagine speed would be. It was AWESOME! I was ready to BOWL!

DI and the SVTs were joined by our illustrious SM. Saturday nights are the ONLY time to bowl because it is rock n'bowl, with all the crazy glow in the dark blacklights and the eye of the tiger soundtrack and Christina Aguilera music videos. I like to view bowling as a dance party with giant diet cokes, and every so often someone makes me throw a ball down a lane, which I'm not that into. The first two games I bowled true to form, spectactularly awful - gutterballs galore! In the third I actually bowled an 86, which I think is a personal best. Of course, I was still nowhere near the boys' scores. All three of those stinkers are actually pretty good. We're talking turkeys all over the place.

Today was a nice, lazy sunday. After a fiesta omelet at the Waffle House, we got our van cleaning duties out of the way, leaving us free to hit the mall alllllll afternoon. I know everyone likes to complain about how it's not even thanksgiving it's too early for christmas bla bla bla but I say fuck that, bring it ON! I love christmas! I mean, I bought a Jessica Simpson REJOYCE christmas cd at a truckstop. I am so ready. My favorite part of the mall excursion today was not trying on cocktail dresses at Charlotte Russe, nor the sweet 2-for-10 belts I scored, but enjoying the holiday season in the Dillard's displays and the christmas trees. I also got a french manicure at the mall, and although I know it will chip in like a hot second unloading the truck, it makes me feel slightly more human. Toss in the fact that I got to go to the 5.75 movie matinee, and it was a pretty good weekend.

Hmmm. Maybe I'm more 'Bama than I thought.