And So the Lion Fell in Love with the Lobster...The Red Lobster, That Is

And we are out of Tennessee. Which is too bad, really, because apparently I had some fans there. On Thursday someone wolf-whistled when I came out as Katrina, and then again on Friday when I came out in my Matilda ballgown. If I honestly thought either of them was a dashing young English teacher with a penchant for tweed jackets with elbow patches and D.H. Lawrence, I would have leapt over the first few rows into the audience. But I'm pretty sure they were just obnoxious thirteen year old boys. Actually, I had a fan backstage on Friday too. As per usual, the crew was comprised primarily of spry septuagenarians, including one awesome ponytailed fellow named "Stash"; however, there was also one guy under the age of 30. I call him Flirty McFlirterson, as he was totally chatting up me, Other Actress, and LightingGirl. Boy does not mess around.

My first Matilda costume has giant sleeves. Like girl in Napoleon Dynamite huge. Because I'm wearing the purple paisley day dress over my ballgown, the sleeve situation is just ginormous. So I'm sitting backstage on one of the road boxes in my paisley dress, waiting for Monkey's Paw to finish as the zombie son returns home.

Flirty: So...can I feel 'em?
Me: Um...what now?
Flirty: Come on, let me give 'em a squeeze.
Me: Excuse me??
Flirty leans over and starts squeezing my sleeves.
Flirty: Ohhhh yeah.
Me: Heh heh (awkward laugh)
Flirty: You see this, Stash?
Stash: I got me a paisley shirt. Almost 40 years old. The 70s. You know.

Yeeeah fun times. Me and my sleeves got the hell out of Tennessee and are in Asheville, NC for the weekend. As we do on many a friday evening, we headed for the local movie theatre. And hold on tight, spider monkey: we went to see Twilight. It was, without a doubt, one of the most entertaining movies I've seen all year. In the most unintentionally hilarious way. A good 60% of the movie is INTENSE EYE SHOT CLOSEUPS. Very dramatic. The other 40% is genius dialogue.

Edward: And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...
Bella: What a stupid lamb...
Edward: What a masochistic lion...

Did you know that vampires glitter? Sparkly!

Today was actually a pretty good day. One of the top tour Saturdays, I'd say. I went for a jog this morning which was ummm not as much fun as I'd hoped. North Carolina is hilly as shit. UGH. And COLD. There was snow! Haw Creek was entirely frozen over. But the minimart I stopped in on the way back to the Best Western had the best snapple selection I've seen since we left Boston, which brought me great joy.

The van was gone, for further repairs, but nothing stands between me and my mall. Especially when there are christmas decorations involved. A bunch of us headed down the highway to the Asheville Mall, where a festival of cardigan and sweaterdress shopping and mani-pedis at the Golden Nail ensued. Red sparkly toenails! Sparkly as a vampire in the sun! Good times. We finished off the day with dinner at Red Lobster. It was a freaking battle royale for a parking space - there were literally 8 cars circling like vultures in a packed lot. And yet, somehow, because the man is a genius, Ichabod managed to snag one AND maneuver our giant dumb white van into a teeny tiny spot. Seriously - medals should be awarded and statues should be erected. Yes, the new wood-grilled favorites are beyond delicious, and the conversation and the company was lovely, but that wasn't the best part. After I explained to our waiter about my freakish diet coke consumption, not only did he manage to outpace me (no mean feat), but he brought me a little to-go cup filled with diet coke with my check.

I fell a little bit in love.