From Capitol to Catastrophe

OMG.

Wait - let me rephrase that. OMFG. OMFG. OMFG.

That's Oh MY FUCKING GOD, btdubs.

I'll get there. And I can promise this post ends with a bang. And a whimper. But for now, we're going to rewind a few days, so visualize that swirly screen thing that happens on sitcoms for flashbacks. Doo doo doo dooo.

Like I said, I finished my Pennsylvania Experience this weekend. Saturday I went to the Farmer's Market in Lancaster PA with my parents. I love farmer's markets. They're basically an excuse to eat cookies and feel like you're doing something quaint and cultural. This one was no exception, and was especially awesome because it was all Amish and shit. I bought the aforementioned three cookie (they were little), an Amish quilted apron with a harvest squash motif, and a Pennsylvania dutch hex sign embroidery kit. Hmm - those are special purchases. I am a special girl.

In the afternoon, we collected Babysister from her dorm and headed off to Hershey, PA. Hershey is sort of weird. The town is kind of bleak, and it didn't help that it was a grey day and cold as fuck. The actual Chocolate Experience itself is pretty much a giant chocolate store. Not that there's anything wrong with that. We sort of wen on a kiss-buying spree. (there were pumpkin spice kisses. PUMPKIN SPICE, people!) More importantly, we went on a magical Disney-style ride complete with singing cow animatrons in which we learned the story of the journey of the cocoa bean. It is the milk that makes Hershey's so special - didja know?

Pennsylvania completed, I headed off for our nation's capitol. Unfortunately, it was pretty heinous. We couldn't find the right loading dock and were 15 minutes late for call time due to lack of directions/people not telling us where to go, then SM and lady in charge got in sort of an ugly fight. There was stuff in the way in the parking lot AND on the stage (hello, baby grand!) and our crew (when they were around - they kept wandering off) had absolutely no idea what the fuck they were doing. At one point they almost made us rehang entirely new lights after telling us we didn't need to because they thought they *might* want to keep them focused for the Holiday Show on Thursday. AUUUGHH. Finally we're at places, waiting in the wings, and we hear...nothing. Silence. I start to wonder if there's some kind of plague that's hit the audience and is slowly spreading. Or if there's a silent monster killing them and on its way back for us. No, just turns out we're missing...400 kids. Yup, FOUR HUNDRED. Who of course come trooping all throughout the first act. To be fair, they did try to be quiet. But still - they're 400 kids. And just when you thought it couldn't get worse, the cops show up backstage. Why? One of the ladies who works at the venue can't find her wallet, and accuses Soundboy of stealing it. Um, quoi? Soundboy has many faults, but kleptomania is not among them. The cops actually try to take him away WHILE HE IS RUNNING OUR SOUNDBOARD DURING THE SHOW. I know. He finished the show, thankfully, and it turned out the lady left her wallet at home. Thanks, crazyface!

I then drove the van all the way from DC to Purchase, NY. That might be the longest drive I've ever done - it's like 5 hrs. God, I'm such a bad driver, it's almost unethical that I took this job. But whatevs, we made it there in one piece. On the drive there was much discussion about how this was the worst day on tour (bad load in plus bad crew plus accusations of thievery plus longass drive), and how this was going to be such a bad week. We were scheduled to go to Boston on Wednesday, where the Powers that Be from the office (producer, artistic director, etc.) were to see the show and give us pages and pages of horrifying notes. I was dreading it like crazy. I knew my arms hadn't gotten any longer, and I am as unelegant as always. But at least there was no way things good worse, we told ourselves.

I'm gonna teach you a word. Hubris: pride which tempts the gods. I learned this playing Cordelia in King Lear at a Cambridge summer program junior year. Lord, what fools we mortals be.

Today was an easy load-in. Sure, we accidentally loaded in to the wrong theatre (Purchase College has 3 theatres. We were supposed to be in B, not A. Whoopsie!) which was actually not that bad, as we were in a nicer theatre, but I did feel really bad for SM who got a beatdown from the office. But the space was nice, the crew was good, we had our own dressing rooms (Katy Perry dance party!) and the audience seemed really into the show. I was looking forward to seeing my friends in Boston (I even stole the hairspray from the makeup box for the occasion) and was bopping around with a Katy Perry song in my head during load out.

We then went to the Hub, the campus eatery, which is delicious, and I was just placing my delicious-looking turkey/pepperjack/honey mustard spinach wrap on the table, when I see SM on the phone, everyone looking worried, and Frog whispers, "they crashed the truck."

Heart. Stopped. Thank God we quickly learned that Brom and Other Actress (who were in the truck) were ok, but they'd driven the truck on the Hutchinson parkway, gone under a bridge they didn't have clearance for, and ripped the top clean off like a tin of sardines. As the cop at the scene of the accident said, "the stone wall always wins."

Oh, the madness. We finished lunch, and after some searching, found them on the side of the road. The truck looked awful - the top was completely off and crinkled away. We waited on the side of the road for awhile, then went to a Mobil rest stop (the Connecticut Welcome Center, in fact) and waited there for a while, then drove to the towing place and waited there for a while. Frog and I went in to find a bathroom, where we bonded with Tracy, the desk girl. The couches were really comfy, and we had a nice chat with her and the cop (who was there for an unrelated reason) about how this happens with trucks about once a month. The office decided to reroute our tour from Boston to Long Island, which is good because it's a shorter drive and we don't have to deal with 1. the scariness of getting notes tomorrow and 2. the fury at the truck situation that would have awaited us, but I was really upset about not being able to see my friends from school. I mean I saw these people like 24/7 for a year, and now I never see them, and I miss them, and who the heck knows when I'll be back in Boston....sigh.

We escaped for a little bit to a diner, then returned and waited some more, finally went to the Ryder truck place, waited there, then had to completely unload our truck and repack it into a new truck, waited to figure out directions to the hotel, then finally, finally got there.

In Conclusion:
6:30 am - Wake Up Call
7:30 am - Load in to theatre
10:30 am - Perform Show
12:30 pm - Load out of theatre
1:30 pm - Truck hits bridge
10:30 pm - Finish towing, waiting at tow yard, driving to Ryder Truck Center, ripping door off old truck, and crossloading into new truck
12:30 am - Arrive at hotel

LONGEST. FUCKING. DAY. EVER.

whimper.