It's The End of the World As We Know It, and I Feel Fine

The end of tour world, that is. And I feel pretty damn fine, indeed. Like over the MOON! I'm going to be honest - a lot of tour was misery. I edited out a lot of the backstabbing/bitchery/sex, drugs, and rock and roll for the blog's sake, but if you want to hear about all that, call me - we'll brunch. There's nothing I won't spill over a long, gossippy omelette session. Or you can just wait for the book to come out - just kidding. Sort of.

To be fair, it wasn't all bad. Some of it was good. In the truck the other day, Sound Boy asked me what my favorite part of tour was. I thought of Myrtle Beach, where we watched the waves crash over the dunes all weekend long. Milwaukee, where I danced alone at the indie rock pop folk electronica concert and all the hipsters thought I was crazy. Detroit, where we first played an audience of over 3000 and the dressing rooms looked like they were on the Titanic. Driving through Wisconsin in the fall. Even Elkhart, Indiana, where in the midst of my personal hell, I found a mini horse farm. But then I realized there was only one answer - anytime I was onstage. And that's what really matters - I was lucky enough to do the thing I love more than anything else five days a week, every week, for three months. And even though I was basically a glorified teamster 80% of the time, that's still pretty fucking cool.

Also, I learned a lot.

10. Breathe from your diaphragm, speak from your WOMB.
9. The middle of the country is not totally unfortunate. Mostly. But not totally.
8. People are more likely to carry things for you if you smile at them.
7. If I can drive a truck, anyone can drive a truck. Although it is better to befriend people who will drive the truck for you than to actually drive the truck yourself. And Pilots are the best truck stop.
6. When at the Cracker Barrel, order either the grilled chicken salad or the chef salad with peppercorn dressing.
5. A gold duvet in a Comfort Inn is a sure sign of a good night's sleep.
4. Strawberry margaritas are cheaper at Applebee's, but better at Red Lobster.
3. A Katy Perry dance party cannot solve every problem, but it sure helps.
2. Trust no one.
1. Shoot for the balconies - even if you miss, you'll end up in the mezzanine.

Now that I've conquered the highways and byways of middle America, what's next for the interstate ingenue, you ask?

Why, just what you'd expect -The Interstate Ingenue Takes Manhattan. Look out, big apple - here I come!