If the Fates Allow...

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow.
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.

Here I sit, in the lobby of the North Dartmouth, MA Comfort Inn, laptop plugged in next to the faux poinsettia-pinecone floral arrangement. Man, if you asked me in any college december where I'd be post-graduation, I never would have guessed here. I think back on pre-Christmas-weeks past - the happy golden days of yore: Freshman year when one of the girls on my hall (who would become one of my best friends) and I drank cider at the tree-lighting ceremony, the Holiday Cheerleading Semi-Formal where we ate midnight breakfast in cocktail dresses, the Holly Ball where my "gentlemen" of a date tried to feed me an entire tupperware of jello shots, the time my girls and I bought a Santa face cake for a friend's birthday, he million and a half Museum holiday parties my friends suffered through to hear me play Christmas carols on the piano in Victorian costume, the time I had too much eggnog at a cheer friend's holiday party and believed that this football player took care of sick kittens, the time I organized a Suck-and-Blow tournament in my hall...(don't worry, it's a card game.) Good times, all. And then I think of the familiar pattern of Christmases at home, with my family: picking out matching pjs for me and my sister, waiting for what felt like forever to run downstairs and gasp at how many presents were under the tree, eating dad's scrambled eggs (the one item the man can cook), watching the ensuing temper tantrum when my sister finished opening her presents way before I did, complaining about having to put on real clothes and go to grandma's, all that.

A lot of this tour has been really tough. And it didn't end on a good note. But the one thing it has made me realize is how incredibly lucky I am to have my friends and family back home. To my girls, who I know will always be there to cut a bitch for me, I love you so much, and to my parents, for letting me whine whenever, and my sister, for attempting to cheer me up from out of my many foul moods, thank you for everything.
I don't want to go all mushball here, but as I look at the scrappy fake Christmas tree in the lobby, I really feel that this is what the holidays are about - faithful friends who are dear to us gathering near to us once more.

Until then, I'll have to muddle through somehow. And believe me, tomorrow (LAST DAY thank you BABY JESUS) will be quite a muddle.

From then on - hopefully - all troubles will be out of sight.