Nothin Could be Finer

Never did I think I'd dine at an all-u-can-eat buffet that boasted fried okra and special Beef Lover's corner. Greetings from the Golden Corral and the Carolinas.

Our first hotel down here, in Wilmington, North Carolina, was a perfectly lovely Comfort Inn that shared a parking lot with...the Pure Gold stripclub. However, I chose not to ogle the naked ladies, but rather to head over to the Gold's Gym and "elliptically crosstrain," aka watch the muscly tattooed UNCWilmington frat boys lift weights. All I can say is, helloooo Delta Chi. But seriously some of these people had arms like as big as my head. Madness.

Anyway, just because we missed out on the stripclub doesn't mean we don't know how to party. Behind the stripclub, in an adjacent stripmall/parking lot, there was a Ten Pin Bowling Alley. I actually bowled very well for me, which means very badly for a normal human being. It was, however, a victory of human experience, as I gathered more insight on my anthropological study of what goes on in our great nation outside Connecticut's Burberry borders. Long story short, the lane next to us was full of good ol' southern boys. I learned many things:
1. "Excuse me, but my friends and I couldnt help but ask - did you used to be a cheerleader? Aw, I knew it!" is a fairly good opening line.
2. "How old are you? You're outta highschool, right? Thank god!" is not a good follow-up.
3. Shorts with things written on the butt are always a good conversation topic, especially if they are somehow sports related and you are in a bowling alley.
4. The phrase "so, is my southern charm workin?" will indubitably be used, no matter if said fellow is from Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, or Georgia.
5. A good job offer laying grout in tiles in Fort Lauderdale is stronger than love. And plus I had a kettle corn party to host back at the hotel. As one of our fellow actors said, I am "outrageous. Like Jem." Outrageous, not stupid.

Flirting is like a foreign language: it's good to practice regularly. Anyway, nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting, especially since I have five surrogate big brothers, one of whom has a black belt in karate.

Anyway, the stage was right on the UNCWilmington campus, and very very nice. The crew kicked ass, the show went really well, that audience was into it - my favorite moment was when I entered for The Monkey's Paw, some kid yelled out, "Mary Poppins!" Sorry, little boy, no spoon full of sugar - just an ironic story about fate.

Our time here in the South has also given me a chance to pursue my second great love (after theatre, of course) : obscure diet sodas. There's Diet SunPop, which is like the bastard child of Mountain Dew and SierraMist, pretty good, but the best part is the cute retro-looking label. And then today I tried Diet Cheerwine, which sounds gross but is actually awesome: "The Cherry Different Soft Drink." Mmmm mmmm.

So now we're at yet another Carolina Quality Inn, totally exhausted. One of our crew guys today offered to join our tour to be the Other Actress's personal foot massager, and that wouldn't be so bad right now.